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Every person has a unique communication style that they use to interact with others. Much of this is shaped when we are children in the way our parents interacted and exchanged information with us. As we grow into adults, the style of communicating that we adopt usually falls under one of four categories: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive and assertive.
The Passive-Aggressive Communication Style
Individuals who use passive-aggressive communication often fail to express their needs and feelings, yielding others to express themselves instead. Although on the surface they may appear to be calm, passive or okay with a situation, on the inside they often feel powerless while being in a process of building up resentment. This lack of expression will usually lead to built-up feelings of anger, frustration and resentment which, in the long run, can damage relationships.
When a passive-aggressive person is angry, it’s common for them to say they are fine when in fact, they are furious. They will repeatedly claim that they are okay, deny their feelings and refuse to open up emotionally and be transparent about the problem. By not facing the issue at hand, resentment continues to build until an eventual explosion – similar to a ticking time bomb.
This style of communication can have destructive consequences on all kinds of relationships – romantic, platonic, professional and family. It falls on a spectrum, but why is it so common?
It can be attributed to factors like:
- Upbringing: As a child, this person may have been taught that expressing their emotions was a bad thing, which forced them to find passive ways of showing or channelling their frustrations.
- Situational: Situations in which expressing emotions is frowned upon can further fuel patterns of passive-aggressive behaviour – situations pertaining to work, family or relationships.
- Avoidance: Confronting friends, family or partners about a problem and being emotionally open is difficult, making passive-aggressive behaviour a much easier alternative.
The Aggressive Communication Style
An aggressive communication style is seen in individuals who express their feelings while putting down or disregarding and violating the feelings of others. It is characterized by high levels of emotion and often, low levels of empathy. It’s a communication style that is often seen in narcissists or those with anger management issues.
When an individual’s main style of expressing their feelings is aggressive, the rights, opinions and feelings of others are not allowed to surface. It can make others, whether partners, family members or coworkers, feel victimized and is unhealthy for the aggressor as well as those on the other end.
In recipients, being involved with aggressive communicators leads to:
- Great amounts of stress
- Communication barriers
- Feeling disrespected
- Secrecy
- Fear of setting the other person off / “walking on eggshells”
- Fear of sharing feelings or confronting a problem
Communicating in Healthier Ways
Communicating in healthier ways all starts with taking a look at yourself first. Do you have an unhealthy communication style? Are you involved with someone who has an unhealthy communication style? Do you feel that you sometimes hurt others in how you interact with them, or do you feel that you lack boundaries and allow that to happen to you?
It’s important to learn how to confidently and outwardly express your emotions. Adopting an assertive communication style and spending time to work on yourself with the help of a professional is essential. Vancouver relationship counselling and the many tools it can offer you can drastically improve your quality of life.
Assertive communication is a powerful tool that leads to healthier relationships and life satisfaction. Should you feel alone or stuck in this period of your life, get in touch with me. Together and with Vancouver relationship counselling, we can work through your emotional and communicative barriers so you can come out the other side a healthier and happier you.
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