Online counselling
Life Transition Counselling in Vancouver
Navigating being the parent of a child who is exploring their sexual identity can be challenging. Creating a safe, inclusive space for them to do so, however, is key in laying down the foundation. Whether your child is confused, gender non-conforming or exploring their sexuality, holding space for them in their journey is one of the first steps.
Children who feel the support of their parents will feel more safe opening up to them, as well as opening up to themselves. This support creates countless benefits for their mental health and wellbeing. It minimizes feelings of shame or guilt. And while you want what’s best for your child, you may feel unprepared with how to approach the subject without offending them, making them feel unheard, or misinforming them.
There are a number of ways you can support your child in their journey.
Believing Your Child
The most important part of listening to your child lies in believing them. It can be very easy to think of cliches along the lines of “it’s just a phase” or “they’ll grow out of it” but saying these things can damage the relationship you have together. It can put a dent in the open, caring space you’re trying to create and stop your child from opening up to you about their feelings.
It is essential to know that it takes immense bravery for any child to come out to their parents. Whether your child comes out with a specific label or with concerns surrounding their sexuality, it was probably a long time coming. Leading up to that moment, they were probably filled with anxiety, insecurity and anticipation, worried about your reaction and if your relationship would change. No matter what, all your child wants is to feel loved and accepted by you, regardless of what they say.
Believe your child, validate their anxieties and take them for their word. React in a way that shows them that you believe them, without second-guessing what they’ve mustered up so much courage to share. Ask them open-ended questions which give them the opportunity to share more about how they feel, and get everything off their chest.
Creating a Safe, Judgement-Free Environment
Whether your child is a pre-teen or teenager, making them feel free to express themselves is very important. For younger kids, this can mean not policing their expression according to stereotypes or heteronormative perspectives. Letting them play with toys that aren’t tied to gender is incredibly freeing and calming for their mental health. Neutralizing your reactions and not making a big deal out of their discoveries is another key factor in holding space. This lets them know that they won’t be penalized for being drawn to certain things.
Seeking Out LGBTQ+ Content & Communities
If you find yourselves struggling in this journey, seeking out support groups in the LGBTQ+ community can provide the help both of you need. There are so many support groups for parents that provide knowledge, resources, and advice. It can also introduce your child to LGBTQ+ friends that are also in the community, having someone of their own age group to share with.
Furthermore, you can expand the resources you dip into, with books and television. There are many educational books on gender and sexuality designed to inform pre-teens and teens. This will not only give them the knowledge that you don’t have, but it will also expand their vocabulary and help them to express themselves more freely.
As overwhelming as this can seem at first, remember that your relationship with your child is unique and special. This is the very thing that will allow everything to fall into place, naturally and intuitively. Every child is different, and what works for one, might not work for another. At the heart of it all, you just need to listen. Your child is already giving you cues and leading the way.
If you or your child is struggling on this journey together, I provide families with life transition counselling in Vancouver. It’s meant to act as a guiding light for individuals searching for their purpose and identity as they move onto the next phase of their lives. If you are worried about your child feeling depressed, I also provide counselling for anxiety and depression. Please don’t hesitate to get in touch with me to schedule an appointment or learn more about how I work.
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