Lasting relationships require a sharing in values and intentional commitment in order to love and understand each other. Although we all have the same capacity to love, we all do it in different ways.

In Dr. Gary Chapman’s New York Times #1 bestseller The Five Love Languages, he offers insight that “everyone gives and receives love differently, but with a little insight into these differences, we can be confidently equipped to communicate love well.”

This simple truth now extends into the Covid-19 pandemic. Many are separated from their loved ones struggling to get their core needs met. People are grieving emotional and physical losses that they never thought they would have to grieve.

How do our love languages drive our emotions and experiences during difficult times? How can we show those we love most that we value them even while social distancing?

If you don’t know your love languages, you can take a quick, fun quizz to find out.

Quality Time

People whose native language is quality time feel the most loved when they are at the centre of their partner’s undivided attention. This makes them feel prioritized, adored and treasured.

It’s easy to see how Covid-19 is awakening an emotional and physical distance that so many are not used to experiencing. For people who have quality time as their top love language, the pandemic is a very difficult, confusing and detrimental time.

Make sure you are giving your partner your attention. If you’re quarantined together, this doesn’t necessarily mean you are spending quality time with one another – it may very well be the opposite. Make sure your partner knows they are important to you by spending high quality time together at home. If you are separately quarantined from your partner, this is a very difficult time for them as they are not getting their most essential need met. Have daily video calls and do your best to make them feel loved.

• If you’re separated: have a simple FaceTime date and give them your undivided attention
• If you’re separated: watch a show together while you’re on the phone
• If you’re together: start a creative project
• If you’re together: cook dinner together

Physical Touch

To people whom this non-verbal love language matters most, physical touch is a primary communicator of their partner’s adoration. Even the most subtle gestures can leave a tremendous impact on a partner who values touch. This can mean both non-sexualized intimacy and affection, as well as displays of sensual desire.

People whose core love language is physical touch are hurting a lot at this time. If you are quarantined with your partner, this difficult time is also a very important one in showing them your love. If you feel they are significantly hurting and you are unable to help, online counselling services can offer the guiding light these people need.

• Place your hand on theirs while you’re watching a movie together
• If they’re feeling down, hold them close or kiss them on the forehead
• Stroke their face with your fingertips while they’re falling asleep
• Give them physical cues to show that you desire them

Words of Affirmation

For some people, heartfelt words of affirmation are what they need in order to feel loved. Many people enjoy being verbally acknowledged, but for those who perceive verbal and written praise as an expression of love, receiving words of affirmation tops any other love language.

Whether you are isolating with or separated from someone who has this love language, remember that to them, words matter most. Written and spoken sentiments make them feel heard, noticed, loved and cared for. If you are quarantined together 24/7, it can be easy to forget to re-spark those butterflies in your partner’s stomach. This can make them feel unloved and emotionally distant from you.

• Give them a compliment
• Tell them how much you appreciate their presence in your life
• Say “I love you”
• Recognize them for their hard work

Acts of Service

Actions speak louder than words for those who perceive love through acts of service. These people feel your love and affection by the things you do for them. They feel appreciated when their loved ones make the effort to help out with anything that makes their lives easier.

They don’t have to be grand gestures. The smallest, most spontaneous acts awaken the biggest responses. A break in the pattern of day-to-day life with actions that go beyond expectation. During Covid-19, helping your partner out with an errand that has now become difficult or frustrating due to the pandemic can mean the world.

• Prepare breakfast for your partner before they wake up
• Run an errand for them that they hate doing
• Take the kids out so your partner has some time to do something they love
• Go grocery shopping (amidst the pandemic’s long lines and wait times, this can be a very special gesture)

Receiving Gifts

People whose primary love language is receiving gifts perceive love through tangible items. From getting a surprise delivery for no reason at all to a small token of appreciation on a difficult day, receiving something they love or may find useful is more valuable than any other demonstration of love.

A gift simply communicates “I was thinking about you when I saw this and wanted you to have it. I love you.”

• Hand-make a sentimental gift that is meaningful to your relationship
• Get them something they have been eyeing for a long time
• If you’re separated from a loved one during quarantine, mail them something special
• Sign them up for a class or workshop they’ve been wanting to take

Learning yours and your partner’s love languages can help you adapt the ways in which you express affection and better meet each others’ needs. It adds an extra layer of communication and understanding in your relationship that can transform the way you show love to each other.

Although the five love languages are an invaluable tool for any relationship, the challenges that the Covid-19 pandemic has awakened in families, friendships and romantic relationships may feel overwhelming. If you are grieving the loss of emotional connection and find it difficult to move forward on your own, I offer online counselling services to help you take the next step. Please don’t hesitate to get in touch.