Online counselling
One of the best ways to mourn a person lost or (in this case) the world we once knew, is through social connection. But what if that social connection and closeness is the very thing that puts us in danger?
United we fall but divided we are strong. These words mark the exceptional nature of our current circumstances. While it is already isolating having to deal with a loss under normal conditions, Covid-19 restrictions make it all-the-more difficult. Grief is best supported by a sense of community. A sense of belonging. It’s more important now than ever to find ways to support each other.
This global pandemic is resurfacing different emotions in each of us. How we perceive the situation as a whole, process these emotions and navigate them depends on a myriad of factors from our life experiences all the way down to our age.
Grieving in Young Children (3-5 Years Old)
It’s completely natural to want to shield children from loss, whether that be the loss of a loved one or the loss of their normal day-to-day routine with school and play. It’s important, however, to give children age-appropriate, honest information about the pandemic and about death. Opening up a dialogue helps them better deal with sadness and gives you the chance to reassure them, calm their fears and make them feel safe.
Normally, children at this age understand the profoundness of death, however, they are still in a stage of magical thinking and might not fully understand the permanence of death, thinking the person might return. Their sadness may be short-lived, oftentimes allowing them to quickly return to play or search for solace in another person they trust or feel close to.
Children are energetic beings. When grieving abstract losses like their loss of freedom, ability to play outside, see their friends or attend events, they may express this grief by acting out. They may show aggression, stop complying with house rules or simply begin to feel restless. It’s important to give children of this age plenty of reassurance, love and structure through a daily routine and the opportunity to openly communicate with you.
Provide them with comfort items like their favourite blanket, a toy they can cuddle with and give them plenty of affection, speaking gently as to solidify their feeling of safety and security.
Grief in School Children (6-10 Years Old)
At this age, children begin to understand the permanence of death and may ask blunt questions regarding the death and the deceased. This is equally as applicable to Covid-19, as they try to understand what this disease is, why so many people are dying, or why the life they once knew is now barely recognizable.
They may become overly clingy to you, or you may notice them begin to withdraw or show a lack of response. It’s completely normal for their anxiety to increase as they get more in touch with the reality of the situation – increased fears of their loved ones’ and pets’ safety, or other fears they already have may feel magnified. While this is completely normal, it’s important for you to soften their fears because these anxieties can manifest as physical complaints (wetting the bed, tummy aches, headaches or other body pains) if not addressed on time.
Since so much normalcy has been compromised due to Covid-19, keep them busy with regular routines. Give them as much attention and reassurance as you can, and most importantly, teach them how to identify their emotions. What are they feeling? Can they use words to describe these feelings? At this age, children process their emotions through play, so keep them busy with their favourite activities and encourage an open, honest dialogue should they have any questions.
Grieving in Pre-Adolescent Children (10-13)
Children in this age group have now understood the permanence of death and because of this, they will naturally start to worry about the safety of their family and those around them. They may feel guilty about death, whether it was caused by Covid-19 or another reason. If someone close to them gets infected, they may blame themselves or try to craft their own explanation for what has happened.
The increased limitations to daily life coupled with their constantly-changing behaviours and hormones may heighten their emotional experience. They may go from needing to be close to you to withdrawing and closing themselves in. At this stage, your patience, gentle demeanour and support as a parent or caregiver are all vital.
Although it will be more difficult to implement a routine to follow in their days stuck at home, inspire them to take up a new hobby, read books, learn a new skill or find a new way of expressing themselves. Children in this age group still need physical outlets in order to express their emotions and learn how to navigate them in a healthy way.
Grieving in Teenagers
Grieving in teenagers is oftentimes marked by distraction, forgetfulness, self-blame or dangerous and impulsive behaviours. They may become more irritable, antisocial, aggressive towards their siblings or you as a parent, or act like they don’t care. It’s also quite possible for all of these emotions to eventually move into depression or feelings of loneliness.
It’s important to build up that feeling of community they now feel they’ve lost in order to help them regain their feeling of belonging. You can do this by setting up regular online chats with extended family members, family activities at home, or making time for honest and open discussions so they can feel safe in sharing their thoughts with you. By validating their emotions, whether they be anger, sadness or blame, you reassure their inner sense of safety. They see that in front of them is a caring parent, ready to listen without judgement.
Grieving in Adults
Grieving any sort of loss can feel overwhelming. Whether it is the loss of our freedom, a divorce, the death of someone close to us or a miscarriage. In adulthood, grief presents itself with changes in emotions, thought processes and behaviours. The emotions that come along with it vary from shock, anger and disbelief to debilitating sadness and pain.
In the face of Covid-19, many are learning how to navigate job loss, divorce, or an overwhelming time spent at home with little to no privacy and alone time. Being away from a place that brings joy such as the gym, a personal work studio, or a place where you used to regularly volunteer can also be difficult.
Regardless of the type of loss, it’s imperative that we find new meaning and come to terms with these losses in a healthy way by first understanding that healing does not happen overnight. It is a gradual process and we must be patient with our minds and our bodies. It’s important that we implement self-care and learn to be extra kind to ourselves.
Grieving in the Elderly
The elderly may already have a diminished ability to engage in the activities they once loved or in other aspects of daily life. The increased Covid-19 restrictions may further contribute to their sense of loneliness and loss of belonging. Their loss of independence, ability to engage in activities and the risks to their health are now even more compromised than ever before.
The most effective way to help a grieving elderly parent, relative or loved one is to simply listen. Be there for them and visit regularly if you live apart. Be empathetic and understanding, validate their feelings, acknowledge their individual experience and coping mechanisms, and allow them to experience them at their own pace.
A Universal Experience
Regardless of age, grief is an emotion that must be acknowledged, experienced and accepted in order to move forward. This is a process that can be experienced individually, or guided with the help of online counselling Vancouver. We are living in a time where we have collectively lost control over many aspects of life we once had control over. Our freedom is lost, as well as our sense of safety and security. We can no longer seek out community in the ways we used to, but rather, we must do so from a distance; that requires a great deal of getting used to.
So, take care of yourselves. Take care of your children, spouses, the elderly in your life and those with compromised health. If you are struggling with the loss of a loved one or struggling to work through the enforced changes in your life, it’s okay to seek out professional help. I offer online counselling Vancouver to those who are in need of a warm and friendly professional support system. Take care of each other.
Recent Comments