The Impact of Narcissism on Relationships – Vancouver Life Transition Counselling

When someone takes too many selfies, constantly compliments themselves or only talks about themselves, the term “narcissist” often gets tossed around. Society tends to use this term to describe a person with an inflated ego, but there’s actually much more to it than that.

A narcissist is someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) – a mental health condition characterized by a person’s unhealthy perception of themselves, that they project onto those around them.

The characteristic features of a person with NPD include:

• A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy
• A need for excessive admiration
• A sense of entitlement
• Interpersonally exploitive behaviour
• lack of empathy
• A demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviours or attitudes

Being in a relationship with a narcissist, whether you are involved with that person romantically or otherwise, can be draining. It can drain your sense of self-worth and chip away at your emotional, mental and even physical health. Whether you’re having difficulty moving apart from a narcissistic partner or already have and don’t know how to move forward with your life, Vancouver life transition counselling can help.

Having a Narcissistic Partner

Narcissism falls on a spectrum, but in any case, it can be incredibly toxic for the person on the receiving end. In the beginning of the relationship, your partner may have been incredibly charming in order to win you over, something otherwise known as “love bombing”. If your partner came on too strong at the beginning and told you they loved you before they even had a chance to get to know you, this is a reason to be cautious.

Their grandiose sense of self-importance will make everything about them. From making conversations about them to making sure you do what they want on date night. They’ll embellish their achievements and talents to get attention and adoration from others. They’ll expect constant compliments to feed their ego. Although they might seem confident in themselves, they actually aren’t. That mask of confidence is a mask to hide their low self-esteem and in some cases, self-hatred. In order for them to feel good about themselves, they need to put others down. Their low self-esteem will cause them to punish everyone they’re surrounded by, including you.

You might also notice that, over time, you’ll begin feeling cast aside. You might not feel seen, understood or validated because of their lack of empathy. The initial air of love and care that was present at the beginning of the relationship will no longer be there. This will later translate into them calling you names or picking on you. You’ll find yourself constantly walking on eggshells as to not set them off, irritate them or awaken a big reaction to a seemingly small issue. All of these effects are due to gaslighting – a hallmark trait of narcissism. Your partner might try to spin the truth to make you question yourself or your own sanity so they can come out on top.

Narcissism can also apply to non-romantic relationships.

Having Narcissistic Parents

A narcissistic parent sees the world as revolving around them, and will, therefore, exert that sense of grandiosity in being overly controlling and possessive towards the child. This approach makes the child feel unseen, unloved and disempowered.

Here are 6 signs you may have been raised by a narcissistic parent:

• You allow people to step all over you
• You worry you may also be a narcissist
• You feel resentful of your siblings
• You had to constantly manage drama – you felt more like a partner than a child
• Your sense of self-worth is directly correlated with your achievements, not who you are as a
• person
• You don’t have a strong sense of self -your goals, needs and wants

The emotional toll of a narcissist parent runs deep. While it shows up with extreme control, it can also show up in neglect. When a parent is so self-obsessed that they fail to make their children feel seen, it ends up impacting the child long into their adult life.

Whether you are questioning your partner, a parent, a friend or a family member of narcissism, breaking the cycle isn’t easy, but nor is it impossible. You must first grieve the parent you never had, and grieve the partner you wish you had. Let go of seeing them through rose-coloured glasses.

To rediscover your boundaries, build yourself back up and give yourself the opportunity to create new, healthy relationships, professional therapy is necessary. I will be here to listen and guide you through the emotions, so you can turn over a new leaf to new beginnings. Vancouver life transition counselling can be your stepping stone. Please don’t hesitate to get in touch with me to learn more about how I work.