The Harmful Impact of Pornography on Youth – Relationship Grief Counselling

Pornography is having a very serious effect on children and youth, at younger ages than ever before. Whether accidentally or intentionally, exposure to pornography is a concern amongst youth. When they are at their most vulnerable, tweens and teens who surf the internet are at increased risk of falling victim to being exposed to pornography regardless of website filters and blockers set in place by parents.

Raising sexually safe and aware children who are also emotionally healthy all starts with sex education. Whether you do that with a certified counsellor specifically trained in relationship grief counselling, or another qualified figure, it’s important to create a strong foundation. It’s critical to express that pornography should never be a primary, nor an accompanying tool for sex education in youth. Rather, parents should be holding open dialogues with their children regarding sex. They need to ensure that their children have access to honest, age-appropriate information and skills via qualified resources, and are getting all of their questions answered in an age-appropriate fashion.

It’s a right and a necessity for a child to have a good, carefree childhood and exposure to pornography gets in the way of that. On the other end of the spectrum, all young people have the right to a healthy sex life whether they are just beginning to explore their sexuality or are already sexually active.

How does pornography harm children and youth? How does it create false expectations? The key to limiting aggressive sexual behaviour, sexual abuse and abuse against women is by educating youth on the negative implications of pornography.

A Distorted Perspective That Normalizes Aggression & Violence

Children learn through imitation due to mirror neurons. These neurons help children observe their surroundings and the behaviours of other people, imitating what they do in order to learn. We’ve all heard that children are like sponges, so closely monitoring the images they are exposed to is fundamental to their well-being and healthy growth.

When it comes to youth, most youths in this generation learn through multi-media sources. Movies that portray violent behaviours, sexually explicit images and even rape have the capacity to teach children and skew their perspective on right and wrong. This normalization of violent content can lead to the consumption of hardcore, violent and abusive pornography, furthering the social and psychological impact.

They see the actions and behaviours portrayed in pornography and can go on to imitate them in their own lives once they become sexually active. At such a young age, it’s impossible to realize that it’s all acting, making it even easier for underage children to normalize this behaviour as attractive or desired.

With such easy access, this raises concern for children’s overall well-being and perspective on sex. It distorts their outlook on sex and what they should expect from their partner, skewing their world view and increasing the chances of high-risk activities. It also limits their ability to have sustained, emotionally and sexually healthy relationships.

Instead of a special, sacred experience between two people that helps them form a deeper emotional bond, it could become a casual and dangerous act between two or more people. Furthermore, pornography does not educate. It does not teach about the dangers of sex like contracting sexually transmitted diseases, experiencing an unwanted pregnancy, and non-consensual sex and sexual abuse. These risks are increased in youth imitating what they see in pornography by engaging in unsafe sex/group sex.

Promotes Abuse Towards Women

Pornography is significantly more sexist and aggressive towards women than other forms of media. It communicates to young, impressionable boys/young men that it’s okay, or even desirable, to demean their female partner or act aggressively towards them during sex. Unfortunately, this can eventually escape the walls of the bedroom.

Boys may find themselves viewing real-life-women in such a way that warps them into fitting the sexual fantasies they developed from pornography. This makes it difficult for boys, and eventually men, to view women as individual human beings, viewing them as sex objects instead. It also places unrealistic pressure on males, making them feel they need to exhibit some form of sexual and physical prowess over their partners, simultaneously robbing them of an opportunity to develop normally in their sexuality and their ability to form healthy relationships.

A casual outlook on violent sex acts and the depiction of violence against women is largely rooted in pornography, and it’s more common than we think. Women who have experienced sexual abuse or aggression from their partners should seek professional help via relationship grief counselling, as the journey towards a renewed sense of inner safety and confidence can be a long road.

Disrupts The Chance of a Healthy Intimate Relationship

Pornography displays a level of disconnected intimacy that makes sex seem casual, disposable and emotionally distant. It devalues commitment, communicating messages about sexuality and relationships that are distorted, damaging and unsustainable.

By constantly being bombarded with imagery that displays no real level of healthy, romantic intimacy, children are taught to believe that this is how sex should be – that this is how a couple that is in love, thinks, acts and behaves during sex. This is intensely harmful to youth who are just now entering the world of dating because it establishes an unhealthy and wildly distorted perception of relationships.

Additionally, pornography and its associated negative impact on sexual and psychological development can lead to many of our youth to suffer from unmet needs in their relationships. Those unmet needs can include loss of true connection, loss of safety, loss of compassion, loss of mutuality, loss of discovery, loss of true intimacy, loss of respect and self-respect, and loss of acceptance and belonging.  Compounding these losses, we have the burden of guilt and shame that result from engaging in viewing and imitating the pornographic experience.

As stated in an article by preventchildabuse.org, “Parents can help their children develop a critical eye when viewing media, so they see the lies and differentiate that fiction from the joy in loving equitable and respectful relationships.”

It all starts from the way we raise our children and how active we are in ensuring they are developing healthy perspectives on sex from youth all the way into adulthood. If you feel you need guidance in speaking to your child or your child needs to speak to a professional, looking into relationship grief counselling could be incredibly helpful and healing. I would love to meet with you to help you move forward in your journey. Feel free to get in touch with me to learn more about how we can work together.