Online counselling
In Canada, suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death among young people and the 9th leading cause of death in all age groups. This is alarming. About 4,000 people die of suicide each year, and with Covid-19, the number of people committing suicide is quickly increasing, with an additional 4,000 people taking their lives due to unemployment and stress.
The people who are grieving a loved one’s suicide have a heavy burden to carry. While it takes time until those affected can feel ready to open up, the help of a professional specializing in end of life grief counselling is the first step towards freeing the heart of this pain.
While those affected have to deal with many of the same emotions as people who have lost a loved one due to illnesses or accidents, there are some unique features that are important to discuss.
Suppression & Stigma Surrounding Suicide
There is still a strong stigma associated with suicide that overpowers all of the other emotions that come rushing in. Families can feel high levels of shame, stigma, and rejection from family and friends. This oftentimes causes them to want to hide the cause of death to minimize the effects of social shunning and distorted societal perception. This disenfranchised grief makes the grieving process much more challenging for those loved ones left behind, not to mention heightening their sense of suspicion of “who could be next”?
This stigma and suppression of emotion make it even harder for families to seek help from a professional.
Feeling Guilt & Blame
Stigma is directly correlated to guilt and blame. It’s common for suicide bereavement individuals to blame themselves and feel responsible for the death, thinking they didn’t do enough to prevent it.
As with any loss, guilt is a commonly seen emotion. With suicide, however, it’s very prominent as friends and family members of the individual will begin to feel guilty for the death. They start to think they could have done more to stop their loved ones from taking such extreme measures.
It’s also common to blame other figures in a person’s life. They may blame the person who committed suicide, a professional or therapist who didn’t help well enough, a friend who wasn’t present and supportive enough, or a spouse or other family member who didn’t notice the signs. This can cause overwhelming tension in a household, especially when the person who committed suicide is a child.
Because a parents’ role is to support, care for their children, and feel when something is off, it’s easy for them to blame themselves. Parents aren’t supposed to bury their children, and there is no nightmare that equates to that of losing your child to suicide.
Rumination & Denial
When someone loses a loved one to suicide, there is an infinite number of questions that arise. It’s quite different from death by other means because the individual becomes tormented by the question of “why.”
Family members may start ruminating on the life of the victim just before the suicide, thinking they were well off, making plans, and looking content.
It also raises questions of how the victim could have chosen such an extreme decision, a decision that puts those they love, last. “Why did he/she leave me?” or “didn’t he/she love me enough to stay?”.
In suicide bereavement, individuals who actually witnessed the suicide or found the person’s body who completed suicide can remain at increased risk of developing PTSD. End of life grief counselling can provide much-needed support and safety to process and heal from symptoms of PTSD.
How it Impacts the Family
Completed suicide in a family, can shake up the entire structure of that family emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually, and each member of the family requires support and counselling to process the loss, and bring safety back to that family.
Opening Up the Conversation
The pain felt by those left behind after a suicide can be overwhelming, not knowing where or how to begin moving forward. You can start, however, by speaking to someone who can guide you through the process. I am a certified life coach and registered professional counselor, specializing in end of life grief counselling. Should you feel ready to talk, I’m here and would love to meet with you in person or online and help you take that first step.
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