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The struggle of caring for ageing parents while also caring for ones’ family is not a new phenomenon. Having to balance home and work, especially while children are young and need attention around the clock is a full-time job. The challenge is evident in juggling a 9-5 or even a family business with household chores, family time, children’s homework and after-school activities, all while preparing healthy meals for the entire family. This reality becomes even more demanding when care must be provided to an ageing parent or family member. This is what’s known as the sandwich generation. A generation who is caught in the middle of providing physical, emotional, mental and financial care for seniors and children.
To put things into perspective, according to Statistics Canada, 21% of middle-aged Canadians care for more than one senior, 74% care for one senior and 5% care for three or more seniors. These numbers could potentially grow in the future as baby boomers age and the goals of millennials change. This could happen with a lower number of available adults to care for seniors due to lower fertility rates. In addition, today’s youth don’t tend to have children young, much like our grandmothers and ancestors. This delay in partnership and parenthood could translate into middle-aged adults having to care for their ageing family members while their children are still young and require active care.
A Balancing Act
How are families coping with this challenge? People who have to care for their families, as well as ageing parents or relatives, are often pressed for time. While caregiving with financial, emotional and physical support they must also provide the same to their young children and keep their household in one piece. This makes these adults feel rushed to complete their responsibilities, with little to no personal time left over to care for themselves or do the things they love.
Emotional & Psychological Consequences
Among the consequences of caregiving lie emotional, psychological and social consequences whether the person receiving care is ageing or has a disability or long-term health problem. According to this Statistics Canada study, “34% of regular caregivers who primarily cared for their grandfather or grandmother felt worried or distressed because of their responsibilities; this was the case for 60% of those caring for their father or mother, 74% of those caring for their spouse and 82% of those who primarily provided care to their child. 38% of regular caregivers of a child and 34% of those of a spouse report feeling depressed as a result of their caregiving responsibilities, compared with 21% of those providing care to their parents.”
Caregivers are more likely to feel irritable, angry, alone or resentful because of their responsibilities. They may also experience sleep problems and other disturbances that decrease their chance at a calm, happy and healthy life. This intensity of caregiving can also result in compromised physical, mental, and emotional health due to having to carry out a wide range of responsibilities.
These overwhelming responsibilities can also translate into problems at work. These individuals may become less productive, have to turn down promotions, show up late to work or not at all, experience increased stress or even feel burnt out.
As if the stress of caring for an elderly parent or ailing family member is not enough, the problems compound if that individual suddenly develops more serious and/or life-threatening complications. Many Canadians are caught in this situation and without any form of planning in place such as the power of attorney, advanced directives, or will/estate plans. It is highly recommended that such plans are made well in advance to avoid avoidable stressors for all parties involved, all of which can be guided with professional life transition counselling.
Establishing Harmony
While incredibly challenging to find balance, if you’re a caregiver, it’s important not to try to do it all. This is especially true if you still have young children at home who require your full attention, time and love. Hiring a professional caregiver, at least part-time, is a worthwhile investment and would give you peace of mind in knowing that your elder family members are being taken care of, and being taken care of well. Should there be an emergency, these individuals know how to react.
It’s also important for you to remain present, whether you are with your parents or your children. Focusing on one thing at a time ensures that whoever needs you at any given time, has your full, undivided attention.
Another way to feel more supported is to establish a community. If you have siblings who live nearby, try to share the load of responsibilities. If you have older children who are capable of setting aside time for their grandparents, it’s not only an opportunity to spend more time with them but to also help you out as their parent.
Being stretched thin with responsibilities is a challenge many Canadian adults know all too well. Between managing a family and providing care for ageing family members, it’s important to find time for yourself. Whether for you that means a few hours of quiet time to read and unwind or open up to someone, it’s all valid. Speaking to a professional, in particular, can be especially healing and rewarding. At Village Grief Counselling, my life transition counselling services are meant to help people just like you take on challenges with confidence and empowerment.
To learn more about how I work or to schedule an appointment for life transition counselling, please don’t hesitate to get in touch with me.
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